Sunday, July 30, 2006

Excerpts and Asides: An Intermission.

(before you ask, no, we don't actually type out perfect sentences and long monologues. The timestamps offer the perspective of how off-the-cuff this was.)

[21:08] Jordan: I just wrote about it in that blog I have in fact: I'm no programmer; I'm no artist... I dunno.
[21:08] *****: You're just a bum with good ideas, heh.
[21:08] Jordan: It's like, I feel like I have this talent, this knack for stuff, and I can't figure out how to turn it into a marketable skill I so I can make money.
[21:08] *****: More like the need to create.
[21:09] Jordan: Yeah, it's like, I feel like I have this time in my life, to nudge civilization a little further along, and that I have the means.
[21:09] *****: It's not something that one produces for money.
[21:09] Jordan: But I've got to pay the bills, and it feels like a real contribution to society is one that's worthy of paying for, you know? You pay to be entertained, and so it feels like, "Yeah, that entertainment, it's not frivolous; it enriches those lives."
[21:10] *****: Heh... Yeah, you should find a job that you love. You may have to take a few crappy ones to begin with, though.
[21:10] Jordan: Yeah, I'm looking for a minimum-wage thing... But it's hard to see where I'm going, because I look at all these careers for a while, a year, maybe two, and it doesn't pan out and I always go, OK well what else is there, but now I'm running out of [doors].
[21:11] *****: You claim it's art that you're going to create
[21:11] Jordan: I think all entertainment is art; I think they're really synonyms even though people don't usually think of it that way. [blog note: If art is science and entertainment is art... What's my point? I'm defining science as human understanding of the universe, and I strongly believe that entertainment and art relates to it.] I never thought of myself as an artist, but art is what interests me. I think I could be a good engineer; I think I could be a decent teacher; But, those don't feel like what I want to do. I would probably make a great film-maker, a writer or director; I have this kind of instinct for the delivery. But it's not what I'm really into.

This is getting a little heavy for a blog supposedly about video games. You owe it to a 30-second loop of Boards of Canada's Over the Horizon Radar, which I found on the site of sites, YTMND, long ago, and can no longer find (sorry). I just sort of remembered it and dug it up, and it's really an amazing piece I think, in how it has a sense of fulfillment and foundation, but also some bleakness and melancholy (attributable to the subdued timbres and the wind sound effect, respectively). If you don't know what I'm talking about, google up a free sample; Boards of Canada is very repetetive and ambient, so any sort of sample's fine. So ambient in fact, that I can't imagine many people who don't smoke pot buying the album. I know I never did.

Anyway, the entry. My situation right now is proving to me that in every game, in the right circumstance, you can find a good analogy to life. Many have hypothesized that it's the only reason we play games at all. So, how's my life like a game, you ask? In many ways it's a little like an online RTS game, right at the start. I have no army (skills or job) to rely on and the whole world is blanketed by the fog of war (uncertainty of the future). I feel a little like I did seven years ago, give or take, when I couldn't bring myself to play those games online. It seemed like a lot of work and I didn't feel like I could do that well... but eventually I did play games online, and it turned out that, it didn't even matter if I won or lost. I think my life is a little like that. Right now it feels as if my life hangs in the balance, but it probably doesn't matter.

Or maybe that was just an excuse to turn a monologue on (predominantly electronic) gaming into a fucking diary. I'm trying to get a post in every 5-7 days minimum, but the muse hasn't struck me so... This post serves to keep the blog fresh in my mind, so I know to write here.

In other news, I recently realized that were I able, I might be a mathematician, but I don't have the mind for it. It's an odd thing to hear, isn't it? But it's true; I'm not very good at math but I love to hear or read others explain it. Some proofs, presented properly, are a thing of grace and beauty. Perhaps even of art.



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